the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
