We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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