I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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