if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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