The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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