i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
