I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
