her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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