Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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