I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
