I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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