dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
