I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
