you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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