so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
