You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
