does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
