Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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