I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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