I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
