i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
