Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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