do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
