I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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