Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
