He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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