I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
