Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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