Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
