I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
