and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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