forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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