shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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