Im at strip club and am horny
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
