I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
