he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
