so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
