A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
