i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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