I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
