o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
