Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
