The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
