That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
