I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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