I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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