Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
