God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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