The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
