:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
