Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
