I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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